Asset, commodity, cherished family member

By J.E. Nickerson

As the holiday season approaches, people prepare to spend time with family and reconnect with the people they love during the final weeks of the year. While most people would love to say that their relationships with family are exactly what they always wanted, this statement is not always true. 

Some people struggle to connect with family because of various reasons. In this article, we will look at a few reasons why people may struggle to connect with those they love and how to improve relationships over the holiday season. 

Some people view the relationships in their life as an asset that benefits their goals. This is a narrow view of a relationship, that only benefits one person. In the financial industry, an asset is a resource that a person owns and controls. The only reason for possessing this asset, is to benefit the person who controls it. They expect this asset to benefit them and their immediate or future plans. Therefore, any time or attention they invest in the asset, is self serving and self motivated. It is predicated on how it can benefit the person who is controlling the asset. 

When a person views their relationship as an asset, they may give gifts, show affection or even act as though they care about the person being viewed as an asset. But the affection being shown, is often designed to control the asset and make the person being treated like an asset, feel as though they owe the other person something. 

While the physical needs of the asset might be met in the form of resources like money, possessions and gifts, their emotional needs are often left unmet. Sometimes the person who is controlling the asset, will emotionally distance themselves from the other person, as a form of punishment when their asset does not behave in a way they want. 

If the person being controlled thrives on attention or affirmation and approval from others, in order to define their self worth, the lack of attention they receive, can harm their self image. The person controlling the relationship relies on the damage they inflict and the reaction of the asset, in order to dominate and manipulate the person craving approval and attention. This can make the person being controlled, agree to whatever the person controlling the relationship wants, in order to continue enjoying the attention and approval that was withdrawn. 

According to the article Generosity and its pathological variants, on Psychology Today, giving gifts including attention and emotional support, is a healthy and normal element within relationships. But when a person is being used as an asset, as we have seen, generosity is often used as a tool to control and manipulate the recipient. 

This is commonly referred to as Controlling Generosity. It is also called a gift with strings attached. In this kind of behavior, the person giving the gift, not only wants to make sure the gift is being used in a specific way, but will often act in a way that causes the recipient to feel guilty if they do not use the gift in a specific way that is approved of by the giver. People who view generosity as a tool to control others, can also show public approval and emotional support to the recipient, as long as other people around, but will become emotionally cold and withdrawn in a more private setting.  

This is a highly abusive and dysfunctional relationship. It is not the way God intended for us to live. God did not create relationships in order to control others. When Paul was speaking to the church in his letters, he described God many times as a father who gave us gifts, talents and abilities. Romans 11:29 tells us that God gave us these gifts without strings attached. His approval and love is not conditionally based on how we use the gifts he has given us. He does not treat us as an asset to be used, manipulated and discarded, when we do not behave the way he wants us to.

The second type of relationship that makes it hard to connect with our family, is when we treat others like a commodity or are treated like a commodity by the people in our life. 

A commodity is something that is interchangeable with other things. Commodities are considered to not have any special or unique qualities, when compared to each other. In manufacturing and production industries, commodities are considered to be the raw materials used to produce something. While each commodity is not considered to have any great value by itself, there are usually minimum standards that each commodity must meet in order to be used. 

Treating people like commodities is another dysfunctional way of viewing a relationship. When someone views people as commodities to be used for their own purposes, they often overlook the qualities that make each person special and unique. God created each of us with individual tastes, personalities and interests. 

When we treat people as commodities to be used for our own desires and then discarded and ignored when we are done, we cheapen and degrade each other. If you are in a relationship that is based on this view of individuals, it is very hard to view yourself as having worth and value. Remember that commodities are considered to be interchangeable and do not have any specific or unique qualities, compared to other products of the same type. 

This is not the way that God sees us though. King David, the famous psalmist and king of Israel, said in Psalm 139 that each person is uniquely created by God and has a special value assigned to them by God. Verse 14 says, “I give thanks to you that I was marvelously set apart.” The Complete Jewish Bible version says, “I thank you because I am awesomely made.” The Easy To Read version says, “I praise you because you made me in such a wonderful way. I know how amazing that was!” 

This is one of many passages in the Bible that speak of the great value that God says we have. While there are many commodities including oil, metal and other raw materials used to build things, people should never be put in the same category as raw building materials. Genesis says that after God finished creating the world and the universe, he took special thought and care in the creation of mankind. When he spoke and said let us create man in our own image, it was a special moment in history. None of the other things he had made, were designed to bear his image and be like him in some way. While everything testifies to God’s creative power as David wrote in Psalm 19, only humanity was created by God breathing into the first human and putting an eternal spirit in him. 

Genesis 2:7 KJV says, “The Lord God formed man of the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living soul.” Prior to this, God simply spoke and things were created. But God took a special interest in the creation of humanity. In a very literal sense, he got his hands dirty as the expression goes. Just as many people who create things put a part of themself in the work they produce, God put his breath into mankind and put an eternal soul in him. 

This does not mean that we have a divine part of our spirit or a higher consciousness, as some people teach. It does mean that out of all the things God created, he considered people to be the most important and most personal creation he made. 

Throughout the Bible and history, God has shown that people are the only creation he is willing to have a relationship with. Not only did he create us with the ability to talk to each other and have an emotional connection to each other, he also created a way for us to communicate and connect with him through prayer, faith and feeling an emotional attachment to him, through the interaction of the Holy Spirit.

Throughout the Bible, God answered the prayers of people who were in trouble, who needed provision, were in danger of being killed, or were struggling with emotional problems. Because our sinful and imperfect nature conflicts with God’s holy nature, God sent his own son, Jesus Christ, in order to save us and restore the relationship he wants us to have with him. This shows us how truly special and unique we are. 

Hebrews 2:16-18 New Life Version says the following, “Jesus did not come to help angels. Instead, He came to help men….So Jesus had to become like His brothers in every way. He had to be one of us…to go between God and us. He had loving-pity on us and He was faithful. He gave Himself as a gift to die on a cross for our sins so that God would not hold these sins against us any longer.Because Jesus was tempted as we are and suffered as we do, He understands us and He is able to help us.”

This treatment and love shown by God to us, is far from the toxic treatment we have discussed in this article. God does not view us as people who were created to be controlled in various ways. He does not give us gifts and then disapprove of the way we use them. He does not withdraw his love from us when we sin and struggle and only reward us with his presence, when we are doing what he wants us to do. While he has given us the Bible as our moral guide and standard of living, he does not threaten to abandon us when we sin and fall into temptation. 

Instead, God offers forgiveness and help in the form of the Holy Spirit and the sacrifice of his son Jesus Christ on the cross. When we put our faith in Jesus’ sacrifice, God does not see us as sinners, he sees us as being covered by grace and mercy because of Jesus’ sacrifice. 

Because God put his breath in mankind when he created him, God does not view us as commodities. He sees us as his most special and amazing creation. He put unique personalities and qualities in us and gave us gifts that are designed to be used for the benefit of others and enjoyed by everyone. 

This is how he wants us to see each other and treat each other. Because God cherished us, we should cherish others. Cherishing someone means to protect and care for someone lovingly and to hold someone dear. God considers us to be valuable and precious enough to give us the ability to communicate with him. He hears our prayers and cares about the tears we cry. Psalm 56:8 NLT says, You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.” This means that even the things that hurt us, mistreatment by others and the things we struggle to change that cause us pain, are all noticed and recorded by God. He does not treat us in a callous or disinterested manner, as some people in life do. 

This holiday season as you visit family, friends and make connections or reconnections with other people, I encourage you to adopt the same view of them that God has. If you have treated people like commodities or assets for your ambitions, apologize to them and ask God to help you to make amends and treat them with his love. 

If you have been in an abusive relationship or suffered mistreatment from people, ask God to heal your heart and give you a fresh understanding of how special you are. Let him show you how precious and loved you are. 

While many people can give us presents including physical things like money or intangible things including attention and their encouragement, only God can truly give us value and worth in life. Isaiah 43:4 ESV says the following, “You are precious in my eyes, and honored, and I love you.” Jeremiah 1:5 Easy to Read version says the following, “Before I made you in your mother’s womb, I knew you. Before you were born, I chose you.”

Resources

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-me-in-we/201405/generosity-and-its-pathological-variants

https://www.investopedia.com/terms/a/asset.asp

https://www.investopedia.com/terms/c/commodity.asp